Being Kind to Yourself as You Set New Goals
The start of a new goal often comes with a burst of motivation. You feel inspired, ready to change habits, improve your life, and become a better version of yourself. However, alongside that, motivation can also come from pressure—pressure to get everything right, to move quickly, and to never make mistakes. This is where kindness toward yourself becomes not just helpful, but essential.
When setting new goals, many people fall into the trap of harsh self-judgment. Miss one workout, procrastinate on one assignment, or fall back into an old habit, and suddenly the inner critic takes over. This all-or-nothing thinking can quickly drain motivation and make goals feel overwhelming. Being kind to yourself doesn’t mean lowering your standards; it means creating conditions where growth is actually sustainable.
Self-kindness starts with realistic expectations. Big changes rarely happen overnight. Progress is usually slow, uneven, and full of learning moments. Instead of expecting perfection, aim for consistency and effort. A small step forward—reading one page, saving a few dollars, or taking a short walk—still counts. When you acknowledge these small wins, you reinforce positive behavior rather than discouraging yourself for what you haven’t done yet.
Another important part of being kind to yourself is recognizing that setbacks are normal. Everyone experiences them. They are not proof that you lack discipline or motivation; they are part of the process. When setbacks happen, try responding with curiosity instead of criticism. Ask yourself what got in the way and what you might do differently next time. This approach turns mistakes into opportunities for growth rather than reasons to quit.
Language also matters. The way you speak to yourself can either support your goals or sabotage them. If you wouldn’t say something to a close friend, it’s worth questioning why you say it to yourself. Replacing “I always fail” with “I’m learning how to do this better” can shift your mindset from defeat to resilience. Compassionate self-talk builds confidence and keeps you engaged, even when things feel hard.
Being kind to yourself also means allowing rest and flexibility. Pushing nonstop can lead to burnout, which makes goals harder to maintain. Rest is not a reward you earn after being productive; it is a necessary part of staying healthy and motivated. Giving yourself permission to pause, reset, or adjust your goals does not mean you’ve failed—it means you’re listening to your needs.
Ultimately, goals are meant to improve your life, not punish you. When you approach them with patience, understanding, and self-compassion, you create a healthier relationship with both your ambitions and yourself. Kindness doesn’t slow progress—it strengthens it. By treating yourself with the same care you’d offer someone you love, you give your goals the best chance to truly last.
- Sarah Andrew, Peer Wellness Educator Lead
